I Needf You………. Don’t Go

Posted by dshalabi in 18. Oct, 2012, under society, people, and life in Amman

Dear reader, I know that you probably read the title of this post and you instantly thought that I was going to tell you a romantic story about a guy who told a girl in utter urgency the words “I need you……….. don’t go”. You probably thought that I was going to tell you that his whole being and sanity depended on her reply, and maybe they did. He said these words and then he paused and waited as she looked back at him and said “I thought you didn’t care !” . He then replied “I have cared from day one “and these words were enough for her not to go, and they lived happily ever after from that day on. Or if that wasn’t the story you thought I was going to tell, then you may have imagined another story fittings for this title, you may have thought that I was going to tell you about the girl who ran after the guy in utter urgency as she said short of breath “I need you, please don’t go” . You may have thought that in this story she caught him right before he was about to board the plane. He turned back to her and said “Why? “and she said “Because I love you” with tears in her eyes and indeed he decided not to go, because he realized then and there that he needed her too. Admit it , this is what you thought right ?

If you did, don’t worry I would think the same if I read such a title, and if these fictional scenes left you feeling warm and fuzzy inside I apologize once again because as much as you, me, and any other human being would like to believe that our world has a place for such gestures, I would say it might, but we are better off not betting on it, just so that we don’t expect it, or look for it.
As adults we understand early on in life that the use of such impactful words in such a positive sense is indeed wonderful, but as we move further on in our adulthood, our cynical worlds teaches us to never expect anyone to say anything remotely as impactful to us. We may even become conditioned by one disappointment after the next to believe that a few people would allow themselves to even admit to really needing a particular person in their life . It is simple, our fear of embarrassment or rejection is so much greater than the fear of not being with the people we need.

This inevitable terror makes us sometimes forgo our need for happiness for the sake of certainty . You see, the minute we tell another person how much we need them we are opening ourselves up to chance, the chance of awakening that last shred of feeling in our beings, or the chance of telling someone we need them only to have them look at us coldly as they tell us they don’t need us, or the other alternative of them telling us that they too need us and how often does this last happy outcome happen. Needing someone is probably is probably the weakest state we can put ourselves in and how many people are in fact willing to appear weak?

The truth is that many of us choose to leave this cosmic declaration never made, along with the questions of who we need and don’t need unanswered . We replace the high bets on our hearts and our happiness with a safer option, an option that would not allow us to be hurt. We may even forget about the person we actually need and instead we go for plan B, the second option, the next best thing for us. We never really feel the urgent need for our plan B person , so we can never be weak, broken , or hurt, by this non-needed individual we decided to share our lives with.
Some might even argue that not expecting it is the lesser of the two evils. They might say that it is better than hoping that we will find the person we need and who needs us and not finding this need ever. With time, the plan B seekers may even numb themselves against ever feeling anything for anyone, or needing anyone and instead they settle for the arranged marriages, the guy with a big wallet, or the girl with implacable beauty and no brain. They use the words “I need you” for the people they don’t need, the people who don’t mean anything to them , and who don’t add anything to their lives. They tell those people not to go because keeping them around is low maintenance, it will never ever make them sound weak because let us admit at least that needing someone makes us weak, neurotic, and it even makes us vulnerable, and humans are too proud to be vulnerable .

So as the human race numbs itself, simply  defining itself to the importance of such words and yet still knowing of their importance,  the words “i need you, don’t go” are not completely left to die.  Instead, they  are used by the people whom we least expect and they are still said to the very people who have stopped waiting for them. A manager would say these words to us, so that we work more and never even ask for anything in return. The head of am organization would say these words to us so that we continue to work while they get the credit, a boss may say that to us, when we are sending a resignation because we want a raise, and he/she may beg us to stay because “the Company” needs us, but  the people who truly need us may be busy saying these words to the plan B person. The truth is they are afraid of needing anyone and we are afraid of needing anyone, and that is why our best bet is to hear those words from someone who doesn’t need us at all, that is if we are lucky to be told we are needed.

But how scary is it to live in a world where the only people who say they need you are the ones who want you to work for them or do them a favor? As cynical as I could be, I hope human interaction didn’t reduce itself to that just yet.

Just a thought

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